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I had never been under general anaesthetic before and because I was anxious and paranoid about not being in control of my body, that was something I was really afraid of. The doctors talked me through the entire process. If I’m stupid and happy it’ll be fine.” So that is what made me go for it, even though I had a very bad perception of it. Was this going to make me stupid? But I reached the point when I said: “Well, I don’t care if I am stupid. I went to an elite university and I really pride myself on my brain, so I was worried. The thing that scared me the most was the memory loss. But I talked to my aunt who put it in really simple terms and talked about all the side-effects. Then I learned a little more about it, although I couldn’t do any reading on my own because I was so anxious – I couldn’t even cope with the phone. We said yes on Friday and they scheduled it for Monday, then they did it three times a week for two weeks.Īt first I was worried because of the image you get from the horror films of people being strapped up and electrocuted. My aunt was like: “Well, we have tried everything else.” I thought either I am going to die this way, or ECT might help. After being really reluctant I finally gave in. They had an ECT clinic downstairs and the psychiatrist kept on suggesting it.Įventually it came to the point where they had tried all these medications that weren’t working and I was an absolute nightmare – I was really difficult and I couldn’t do anything. I saw a lot of people come and leave and I wasn’t really able to do anything. I was there for a really long time – a couple of months. I was a voluntary patient but I think I would have been forced if I wasn’t voluntary. I suddenly started getting very, very anxious – and took an overdose. I don’t know whether that had anything to do with it, but I went into a psychotic episode – I thought I was going to be deported, I had a lot of paranoia.
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The GP there prescribed something called Lyrica.